The Dilemma of Pakistani Émigrés

By Dr. Sarfaraz K Niazi

To thousands of Pakistanis, came a call from the land of opportunity, the land of Uncle Sam, and they responded; some were young, some old, some highly educated, some unskilled, some professionals, some jobless, some politically disadvantaged, some old parents, some knew what they are getting into and some were totally confused, but they all shared the grand vision of the life in the United States. From the mid-1960s to the early 1980s the rush continued, taking away some of the most talented, intelligent and motivated citizens of Pakistan to the distant land of the greenback. They toiled hard, excelled in their fields and pursued the great American dream. Now 30 years later, as they come closer to achieving their dreams, they learned that though they did sail, it wasn't necessarily a smooth sailing. The young immigrants of yesterday are now graying; they have good-looking healthy children attending some of the best colleges in the US, they have all material comforts, they have a comprehensive healthcare plan, a healthy bank account but somehow they find all these "goal-posts" too illusive; they are missing something badly from within. They feel incomplete, desperate, forlorn and dejected. Why? Some of them are even planning to return back to their land of the yore and the reasons they give often border on hypocrisy. They will tell you that they ache for their homeland, worry about their growing daughters, want to care for aging parents and other such reasons. To understand this reasoning, we need to understand the metamorphism they have gone through.

The first five to ten years in the life of a new immigrant are full of excitement, developing a career, building a financial safety net and dreaming of a family life. After these goals are achieved, come the chores of raising a new family and now they begin to feel even better since it gives them a great degree of satisfaction to be able to give their newborns the best environs to grow in specially when they compare their children with their contemporaries in Pakistan. And then without realizing how fast time travels, the toddlers of yesterday begin bouncing ball over basketball hoops wearing Michael Jordan T-shirts; they grow up sprouting like mushrooms after the first monsoon rains. They go to college and then on to their careers leaving the graying parents home with very little else remaining to accomplish. A gloom sets in their lives because throughout these years they have failed to establish their roots in their new abode, socially and culturally.

Roots give a sense of belonging and recognition. Without it, man can not survive. The new immigrants from Pakistan failed to "connect" and instead they turned their energies inside in raising good children. They justified their sacrifices (compared to their American contemporaries) to themselves so that they did not have to face the ordeal of establishing linkages with the society they were living in. And now as the challenges of raising a family are done with, things like religion, the smell of wet clay of their villages, the monsoon rains of July and the warm steady days settling down to cool nights begin to haunt them as they remembered their childhood. The nostalgia crept in and now they can hardly wait to catapult themselves into the arms of their past. Fact is that they are not vying to return to their old memories, they are running away from their present realities.

Over the past 25 years, I have seen these frustrations manifested in many different ways in the life of the Pakistani immigrants to the US. Highly respected professionals turning into religious fanatics, social and amiable personalities converting into hermits, young housewives falling to heart disease and even families breaking up

The frustrations of the first generation immigrants are common to all cultures. They emanate mainly from what the psychologists call, "role model confusions." The immigrants as they entered the US had the memories of their parents as their role models without realizing that role models continually change; for them the time clock froze as they left Pakistan. They had an out of place, out of time model that did not work. They acted and behaved more "Pakistani" than their contemporary Pakistanis would who had stayed back. Greater difficulties were faced by women, who, while emulating their mothers became oblivious to the fact that with greater freedom (which their mothers never had) comes an equal load of responsibilities. They became very independent, assertive and often ruthless. And that didn't help much in keeping the values of families balanced.

And now a word of advise for the first generation immigrants who are contemplating a reverse move: Don't. Having lived as long as you have, something has changed inside you and a lot has changed in Pakistan. It is no longer the Pakistan of your dreams. It is a tough world out here for which you are not ready. It is too bad that you did not develop roots in your new land and kept hanging to the umbilical cord. It should have been cut off a long time ago. Try to find happiness in your family, friends and all the good things that the US offers.

Date/Time Last Modified: 12/24/2002 1:48:55 PM

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