Identify the problem or issues. 
Have a discussion to understand both sides of the problem, conflicts, needs and preferred outcomes. Clarify exactly what the conflict or problem involves. This is the stage where you say what you want and you listen to what your partner wants. The goal at this stage is for you to clearly express what you want and to understand what the other wants.

Generate several possible solutions. 
This is the creative, brainstorming stage, where you try to integrate the needs of both partners as best as possible. Drawing upon the things you both agree on and upon your shared goals and interests, look for several possible alternatives that might solve the problem. Avoid evaluating and judging each idea until it looks as though no more are going to be suggested. 

Evaluate the alternative solutions. 
Consider each suggested solution and eliminate those that are not acceptable to either of you. Keep narrowing them down to one or two that seems best for both. In this stage both of you must be honest and be able to say things like, "I wouldn’t be happy with that," or "I don’t think that would be fair for me."

Decide on the best solution. 
Select the alternative that is mutually acceptable to both of you. Make certain there is a mutual commitment to the decision.

Implement the solution. 
It is one thing to arrive at a decision, another to carry it out. Sometimes it is necessary to talk about how it is to be implemented.  Who is responsible to do what and by when?

Follow-up evaluation. 
Not all mutually agreed upon solutions turn out to be as good as initially expected.  Make it a routine to ask your partner how the solution is working and how he/she feels about it. Something may have been overlooked, misjudged, or something unexpected may have occurred. Both of you should have the understanding that decisions are always open for revision, but that modifications have to be mutually agreed upon, as was the initial decision.

[reproduced with permission from www.crescentlife.com]

Date/Time Last Modified: 6/18/2002 8:07:49 AM

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